cross symbolism

The cross is central to Christianity: to what I believe. According to Kyle Idleman (author of Not a Fan), there are several symbols the cross represents:
-victory
-grace
-freedom
-healing
-hope
-beauty (p 171)

Through Jesus' sacrifice I am free from sin's power. There is also healing found in the cross. For all who believe, the cross provides beauty out of ashes. Also, when sin takes me captive, I have hope  there is healing found in the cross. I just look outside of myself and onto Him, for He will heal every wound.

Additionally, "an instrument of torture and death is the image that represents followers of Jesus (159)."

From that the cross symbolizes humilation, suffering, (Luke 6:22, 2 Timothy 3:12, Philippians 1:29)  and death. I die to my own desires, pursuits, and plans. When I decide to follow Jesus, that is the end of me. (adapted from Not a Fan p. 161)

I also know following Jesus is a daily surrender. I ask myself how can I follow after Jesus today? And I trust He will lead my steps.

Robots

Prior to attending college at IWU, I worked in retail: Hobby Lobby and Bass (shoe & clothing store). When I worked in that type of environment, I had to have a tough skin: I couldn't let anyone or anything get to me personally.

Looking back, I felt like a robot: I couldn't feel anything. Or I wasn't allowed to feel anything. I had to "blow everything off." I recognize now that wasn't healthy: to block everyone and everything out.

As a creature of God, I am not created or wired to be a robot, the inability to feel anything. I want to feel something, even if it's pain. Because honestly, that's all I feel.

A deep soul wrenching pain that I know only God can heal. So I let him in.

I say to Him, "Father, heal me from this pain that is so crippling to me."

I know He hears me as I cry out to Him.

I'm not created to be a robot.

None of us are.

I encourage you to embrace whatever you're feeling, whether it's positive or negative emotions. God is glorified in us when we are real and when we come before him vulnerable.

For HIS renown,

~Susie

Numb

Everything in life, every experience is meant to teach me something about life, about spirituality, about God.

And right now, I don't feel anything. An innocent action turned into something I can never take back. I want to say I feel pain. Guilt. Shame. Brokenness.

At least one thing that will allow me to step back into spiritual healing.

Instead I feel absolutely nothing. I'm numb.

And that is the worst feeling to have. I don't know how long this numbness will last.

Right now I feel as messed up as the rest of the world (yeah, I know, that's dramatic.)

About a week and a half ago, I was doing amazing spiritually, now I've hit a new level of bottom I never thought I would reach.

This is going to be a hard journey.

All for HIS glory

Always <3