A Vain Attempt

For the last few weeks, I have been growing spiritually very quickly. It seemed I couldn't get enough of God. I was doing my devotions daily.

It was great! I felt all these intense emotions (excitement, fear, reluctance, etc.).

Then it all came to a crashing halt.

Earlier this week, I had an appointment with One Mission Society (a missions organization) for a possible service trip to Ireland.

The appointment was canceled and I was discouraged, frustrated, and disappointed.

I then felt everything I was learning was a vain attempt to reach God, which I can never do.

I sought to please Him with how I "religious" I could be.

That's wrong.

That's sin.

God showed in a painful way exactly what I don't want:

~mediocre

~complacent

~superficial

~comfortable Christianity

I want real Christianity. I want Jesus, not anything else.

I then asked a question, "can I leave my emotions out of spiritual growth?"

Emotions change quickly, I can't depend on them to fuel my growth in God.

I know God sees past all my emotional highs as it relates to faith and growth in Him.

I'm guilty of being how I always complain about when Summit week approaches. I always say, "I want more than a spiritual/emotional high. I want God to wholly transform my life."

I just spent two (2) weeks (or longer) on a spiritual high.

I know now when all the emotions are gone, all is left is a vain attempt to grow stronger in faith.

I Found My Way Back

Sometimes I lose my way.

I put up a wall where I pretend I'm growing in my faith. Then I say one thing and do the complete opposite.

Hypocrisy.

I'm guilty. I'm not going to hide it or say I'm immune.

Throughout my spiritual journey, sometimes I want to go my own way. It's driven by rebellion and pride. And it works out for a while. Then it backfires. I get caught. That sucks.

It's in the dark times where I recognize my need for God.

I gain strength in the midst of all my weakness. It's all God.

I may, at times, go my own way but I always find my way back to the One who gave it all. :-)

All for HIS glory!

Just Wait

Spiritual growth can be intense.

That is an understatement.

I am used to God working in my life quickly, one thing after another. And when I was far from Him, when I was going my own way, God waited for me.

Now it's reversed. I must wait for Him.

Psalm 27:14 states, "Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."

The call is simple.

Wait.

I HATE waiting. When I'm at a store, I always look for the shortest line so I'm in and out. I'll be honest: I'm not the most patient person.

I am called by God to be patient. God was patient with me.

At this time in my spiritual life, I must wait for God.

That is my prayer in this moment.

All for His glory + Always <3

The Way it was Meant to Be

This summer is coming to a rapid end....

Sad. :-(

I leave to go back to IWU a week from this Saturday (September 3rd).

But I have had a lot of time to read, journal, and grow spiritually.

Most importantly, I had time to reflect on how much growth has taken place during this past year. Last year, at this time, I was struggling with sexual temptation that  turned into a vicious cycle that I couldn't break free from if it wasn't for God's help.

For several months, I was a slave to what I wanted, I didn't see that my actions were harming my relationship with God.

My sin was breaking God's heart and I was in a bad place.

I was trapped.

A year later, now, I am in an amazing place in my relationship with God. I have seen healing. Praise God!!!

Also, I am learning about God's love, sin, and how I am meant to live in harmony with God. There's a Hebrew word Karem meaning "healing", "remaking", "returning something to its intended purpose." (A Christianity Worth Believing p. 159). I have seen firsthand what being healed and remade truly means for the Christian. I have been "returned to my intended purpose" which is to love out loud.

Love is the way God chose for us.

How could we possibly go any other way?

Because when we love, we see humanity being healed, remade, and returning to what it was intentionally for.

All for His glory + Always <3

Control

Up until the last few months, many things that have happened in my life that have served as a catalyst for spiritual growth, have remained in my control.

Situations were personal and, in essence, controlled what happened (or didn't happen) in my life.

Now things have changed. I am dealing with family issues that are outside my control, but that is not necessarily a bad thing. The truth is I can only control my outlook on the circumstances.

Throughout all that my family is going through, I remember the Bible verse Romans 8:28 which says "God works for the good to those who are called according to His purpose."

This gives me hope because even though not everything in life will be happy, when I go through rough times, it makes me appreciate when things are going great. :-) I also remember that everything I go through is meant to bring glory to God.

I'm going to end this post with something I've been concluding with lately:

All for His glory + Always <3