Happy 2013 :-)

My verse for 2013 is Matthew 6:33: But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.

As I begin a new year, seeking God, His righteousness, and His will for me is my prayer. I want intimacy with God.; therefore persistently pursuing Him needs to become my one passion in life. I want His righteousness to consume my life: all of me for all of Him. I'm crying out for God to bring me back to a place where I'm hardcore for Him. I recognize time is the only thing that will allow God to work in me the way He sees. Patience, Gratitude, and submission are crucial for the journey set before me.

In an attempt for God to work in me, I'm finished living for my own selfish desires. I've done that for too long. I want to live seeking His kingdom and His righteousness. That comes from the power of God, not my own. And when I live pursuing His kingdom, I will find Him and good things will follow.

It's only through Jesus that I become the righteousness of God (see 2 Corinthians 5:21)

I invite you to seek His kingdom and His righteousness also. Let a glimpse of heaven be seen in our midst.

Reach Higher Go Deeper

I am being pulled in deeper in my walk with God. I grow "hardcore" for a while then suddenly I think "I'm getting too close to God." I need to stop spending time with Him.

So I do.

I know that sounds horrible. How can one be "too close" to God? It's not that I'm getting too close to Him. It's more that I can't have both worlds: I can't live for "earthly" things and still pursue Him.

In the core of who I am I sense God wants me to reach higher in pursuit of Him and go deeper in intimacy.

I have fear of what people will think of me if I truly let go of the world and recklessly pursue Him. How would my life change if I did just that?

How would my life change if I continued to live for all that is temporary?

I need to let go of the world and go after Him with everything in me. I don't have the strength to. I pray He would give me the strength to let go.

For HIS renown,

~Susie

The Reality of God

Summit concluded last night. Since my Freshman year, I have attended because the majority of IWU students go.

I conform. I feel I'm a bad Christian if I don't attend.

Last night I was at Summit for about 10 minutes when I thought I didn't want to be there. So I left.

I had the wrong motivation to go and I didn't want to be forced to be there.

God was in that night and I had an opportunity to have a productive conversation with a couple girls who live in the townhouses.

I talked to them about how I am deeply intimate with God but I seek superficiality in my friendships and relationships simply because I don't trust people.

If God is truly calling me to a speaker for this generation, I must move beyond my fear of being vulnerable and transparent.

I must let people in: to see where I truly am.

That is difficult. I don't want people to see my struggles, to see me in my weakness. All I want them to see is how I am strong in God.

That's all they really need to know. My relationship with God is private and as long as I'm doing okay, then I have no reason to share what God is doing in me.

The fact is, I'm crazy passionate and I want everyone to see that but I don't want (or haven't found a way) to vocalize what God is doing in my life.

For HIS renown,

~Susie

I Found My Way Back

Sometimes I lose my way.

I put up a wall where I pretend I'm growing in my faith. Then I say one thing and do the complete opposite.

Hypocrisy.

I'm guilty. I'm not going to hide it or say I'm immune.

Throughout my spiritual journey, sometimes I want to go my own way. It's driven by rebellion and pride. And it works out for a while. Then it backfires. I get caught. That sucks.

It's in the dark times where I recognize my need for God.

I gain strength in the midst of all my weakness. It's all God.

I may, at times, go my own way but I always find my way back to the One who gave it all. :-)

All for HIS glory!

Intimacy and Involvement

I'm reading "A Christianity Worth Believing" (I mentioned this in a previous post) and the author mentions five qualities that can be seen in ALL things:

1) truth

2) nobility

3) righteousness

4) purity

5) loveliness

All of these are positive and uplifting to society.  There is a quote "...God is present in all things..." that made me think that everything has a spiritual sense to it and can be used to testify God's existence. When I approach life from this perspective, I can indirectly invite others to take in what God has already created.

This leads into 2 types of people that I "label" falsely and unconsciously:

~Inherently godly

AND

~inherently depraved.

To view people as one or the other is wrong and I am guilty of doing this. All people have God inspired goodness; sometimes I fail to see it. This was humbling: I am not better because I am a Christian.

Additionally, the author explains disconnection (what he describes as "up and out") and intimacy and involvement ("down and in"). I looked at my own life and for a long time there was disconnection. Now I'm stepping back into intimacy where I recognize God is actively involved in me. I also realize I am created for noble purposes. When I'm "disconnected" from God, I often feel empty, like there's some part of me that is missing. In contrast, intimacy with God leaves me feeling renewed from within.

All for His glory + Always <3

Send Me

The last couple of summers, in between the academic years at Indiana Wesleyan University [IWU], I faced situations that have served as a chasm for spiritual growth.

In other words, my relationship with God was harmed and I had taken a step back in pursuit of Him. I had to deal with guilt and shame and overcoming fear.

This is the first summer where nothing is in my way of intimacy with God. I just want to be like Isaiah where he tells God, "Here am I. Send me." (Isaiah 6:6) As the story goes, a live coal touched his lips and he was forgiven and purified. This is symbolic to what God does in my life: I must be forgiven and then purified so I may be set apart for His work.

I desire to leave everything behind so I may be completely purified from anything that may separate me from absolute surrender to Him. I just read a passage in the Gospel of Luke that talked about the power of the Spirit. I recognize that I often depend on my power as a way to pursue growth and intimacy with God.

That will never get me far with God. Daily I must rely on His power for everything I need.

Because when I reach that point, I can hold my arms out and say to God, "Here am I. Send me to do Your work anywhere You see." When I reach that place, where I am completely lost in God, He will be glorified.

Always love

All for His glory

An Open Heart

This is a random post. I'm bored and I don't have much to do :(

I am doing what is called "free writing". What does it mean to possess an open heart toward God, to truly and intimately know Him not just know OF Him?

I no longer work at that job, Vector Marketing, so I have more time on my hands. I could spend that time journaling and cultivating a deep relationship with God because I long for intimacy.

Instead, it seems that I do anything but spend time with God, the One who freed my soul. I ask myself "why is it that when I'm at school, I want to do my devotions but have no time but when I'm home and have absolutely nothing to do, I don't spend time in devotions?"

I reflect on where I was 3 years ago: I was apathetic in my relationship with God and had a closed heart towards Him.

Now I have an open heart to Him, but there is something inside me that lacks motivation to cultivate a deeper level of intimacy with Him.

I have time to sort this out and to gain back motivation to study His word and gain strength in faith.

All for His glory