What Can I Say? What Can I Do? [But offer this heart completely to you]

I love God. I love His people.

No doubt that is good.

I'm missing something.

GOD loves ME!!!

I'm not going to lie: I get caught up in the mentality that I need to love God and love others that I forget one crucial aspect to that equation.

Before I even knew Jesus, before I knew God, He loved me.

I need to meditate on that.

The creator of all the world loves me.

His love overwhelms me, breaks me, humbles me.

It is the perfect gift I can never return. His love completes me.

As this popular worship song goes (by Hillsong United): What can I say? What can I do? but offer this heart completely to You. (excerpted from The Stand)

That describes the love of God.

What can I do?

What can I say?

I could say many words as an effort to express the love He has for me.

Except there aren't enough words to say it, to paint an adequate picture of what the love of God does in me. His love will always be enough. I find satisfaction in Him.

His love is beyond measure. When everyone else walks out, God is still there.

I'll leave you with that.

All for HIS glory + Always <3

Love is Stronger

God brought me out of complacency. Completely. Now I can fully move forward with Him. There is ABSOLUTELY nothing standing in the way of me, surrendering to God.

Last night I was doing my devotions and I came across a passage in 2 John that says to walk in obedience and walk in love.

That clicked with me. God and His love is stronger. I also thought about it from a new perspective. God's love is stronger than everything I go through. And He can do amazing things in my life if I am simply willing.

So back to last night.

I thought "God loves me too much to leave me in this satisfied state." Immediately after I wrote that in my journal, my reaction is "It can't be that simple."

But what if it was?

The reality is that it is THAT simple.

Right now I am rejoicing in God and what He has done in me. I have reached a new level. Now I will only grow closer to Him.

My soul is free.

All for HIS glory + always <3

Rise Up and Say No More

So, the last post I wrote was on complacency. By the grace of God, I am slowly moving out of that state. Every day I have to make a conscious effort to not be satisfied where I am in faith; but always keep moving forward.

Change doesn't come overnight. It is a process. At this point in my life, I want to enjoy the relationship I have with God. I want to be the kind of Christian that is excited about all God is doing in the world. I want to spread the passion that is growing in my heart to those around me.

I want to rise up and say no more: to complacency, to contentment, to everything that seeks to drag me down and away from pursuing God above all else.

All for His glory + Always <3

Complacent

I feel lately I have been all over the place in my spiritual life. First, I struggled with fear (which I still do), now I'm struggling with complacency.

The spiritual life is never boring. God is revealing aspects of my life that I wanted to keep beneath the surface. The darkness of my life is always overshadowed by the light God provides to me.

Honestly, I'm comfortable where I am in my relationship with Him: I don't want to move farther yet I don't want to move closer.

Stagnation is what I want. It's easy. No changes are needed. A life of comfort.

That would be nice because then I wouldn't have to deal with parts of me that are displeasing to God.

God calls me to something much more than just a state of complacency. I must be willing first. And when I'm not, I'm just hurting myself. I know God is stronger than my lack of willingness and his ways will always prevail over mine.

I don't know how I got to this point because this past May I prayed that I would become lost in God. Now I don't know what that meant. The reason I prayed that is because I had just finished my Junior year at IWU and I had been freed from myself. I wanted to be taken deeper. Lost in God seemed like the right direction. Looking back, I seem to becoming lost in God, because I don't know where I am going from a spiritual perspective.

God has worked in my life in so many ways that I can never turn the other way. But, in this moment, I am struggling with complacency and fear.

I love how I can never be in a place where God won't rescue me or teach me something that will bring me even closer to Him.

I'm in His heart. His heart is in mine.

I can't deny that.

So until next time,

All for HIS glory + always <3 

Unfounded Fear

I had one day of spiritual refreshment. Now I feel I have ran back to the way I was before. I'm very practical and don't see the productive value in doing my devotions "hardcore."

I love that word, "hardcore," It is an adjective I want to use to describe the relationship I have with God.

But it's not.

I have fear but it's not founded or based on anything except lies.

Unfounded fear.

That will get me nowhere. I want God to break me, but I must have willingness for Him to work. I thought about what would happen if He broke me: I would be humbled, I would face growth, and there would be a level of depth in my relationship.

Anyway, back to the concept of unfounded fear. I don't like that description to define the relationship I have with God.

I need to lose control, that is why I need God to break me, from everything I try to hide behind.

Dear God,

I realize I have unfounded fear that is based on absolutely nothing. I can't make something out of nothing. So here I am. Take all of me. Create in me a willing heart. A heart that longs to be broken for You, for everything You have for me.

Amen

On Solitude and Escaping Chaos

Yesterday I went to Salamone Reservoir located about 20 minutes from the IWU campus. Now I want to get one thing out there.

I am not one to venture out of my "comfort zone" often. But I felt that I was staying in a spiritual slump and needed to do something that wasn't routine for me. More importantly, I felt that God was leading me to go spend time in solitude with him.

As I reflect on my time alone with God, I realize that the things He revealed to me could only happen when I got away.

My spiritual self has been renewed and I feel I have recommitted myself with God. I LOVE that!!!

Key verses God revealed to me were 1 Corinthians 6:19 and Psalm 84:5 which says:

"Blessed are those whose strength is in you,

who have set their hearts on pilgrimage." (italics added)

The phrase "...set their hearts on pilgrimage." really convicted me for two reasons:

1) I like the language used. "pilgrimage" essentially means journey.

AND

2) The people of this day set their hearts on the journey toward God. They had an assurance that God would be with them throughout their journey.

This got me thinking about my own spiritual journey. I hate to confess this but my mind is what leads my journey with God most of the time. Instead of letting go, and saying, "my heart is going to lead the life I have with God", I think, "how practical is spending time in devotions when I have all this other stuff going on around me?"

During this time of solitude God revealed (and I received): my heart cries out for God, but my mind drowns those cries out by logic. I then prayed that my heart would learn to listen to the voice of God. I asked a hard question, Why is hard to be led unswervingly by my heart? I'm logical and want to analyze everything.

This isn't what I was created for, to be hard on myself because the voices in my mind won't shut up. The plea of my heart is to be completely open to Him and spend much needed time with Him, because He quiets everything in me when all there is chaos.

With all this said, I have a new perspective on solitude and being alone with God. Sometimes when I take time for myself, God reveals things that normally would stay buried deep within the surface of my life.

All for HIS glory + Always <3

Take Comfort in the Fact

Last night was interesting for me. I was doing my devotions and God made it clear that I am to wait for Him.

That is abstract. Wait for Him to do what exactly?

I don't need to bore you with the details as to how God has moved in my life since I've been a student here at IWU.

All I know is that I am not the same person I was when I started here three years ago.

I'll put it simply: God has moved in my life in tremendous ways.

Now I feel I am resting, waiting for Him to work.

I can take comfort in the fact that although I have yet to see what He is going to do in me, I can be comforted that God is always with me, through everything.

All for His glory + always <3