replacing God

I am going to be transparent in this post. So if you feel uncomfortable, stop reading now.

Since May 2010, I have struggled with relationships, friends, sexual temptation. Four years later, I thought I was beyond the struggle.

I was wrong.

Why would I seek God and spiritual intimacy if I can have physical intimacy?

I have found a replacement for God through physical intimacy.

God needs to be in the right place in my life.

Right now He's not.

I'm replacing God with things of this life.

spiritual disciplines

The practice of spiritual disciplines is crucial in my spiritual life. As stated in The Celebration of Discipline, “The classical disciplines of the spiritual life call us to move beyond surface living into the depths.” Disciplines add a deeper substance to my life. As I maintain the practice of spiritual disciplines; this will overflow in all areas of my life. I will practice integrity in all I do.  One of the most critical disciplines I need to regularly implement into my life is prayer. “To pray is to change. Prayer is the central avenue God uses to transform us” (33). Prayer changes me from within and also will begin to change the world around me. “We are to change the world by prayer” (35). Real and heartfelt prayer changes the world. Prayer tunes me into the things of God and leads me into knowing what God desires for me to do.

            In my professional life, I am called to pursue the will of God with passion. Colossians 3:23 states, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.” The work or career becomes irrelevant as I become more in touch with the assurance that no matter what I do, I am to work at it with everything I am, as if I am working for God, not for people. The discipline of prayer gives me direction daily as I search to find out what God wants me to do with the life he’s given to me as an irreplaceable gift. Prayer lends itself as the cornerstone to all the other spiritual disciplines.

            Richard Foster describes different types of prayer: discursive prayer, mental prayer, and centering prayer. He also lists prayer of intercession as learning how to pray effectively for others. I must be in contact with God to pray effectively. “One of the most critical aspects in learning to pray for others is to get in contact with God so that his life and power can flow through us into others” (38).  When I maintain a deep prayer life, the life and power of God flows through me into others. Real prayer transforms the ways I have into the deep things of God. “In prayer, real prayer, we begin to think God’s thought’s after him to desire the things he desires, to love the things he loves, to will the things he wills” (33). Prayer is designed to adjust me to God, rather than to adjust God to me. Prayer also serves as my lifeline to God and seeking God in prayer is critical.

            Although prayer is considered an “inward discipline”, it produces outward results. How and what I pray impacts my life. What I pray for now matters. For the past several years, I have kept prayer journals and writing prayers down have forced me to slow down and really think about what I am saying. I am realizing that when I have a strong prayer life, all other areas of my life will be strong as well. As a child of God, I am called to pray. Also, when I pray, I am changed because God’s power works in me. A prayer offered up in faith, God hears, heals, and forgives.

            Prayer can be related to my professional life because I can intercede on others’ behalf. I am ministry minded and prayer itself is a ministry. Intercessory prayer builds bridges between people I have contact with daily. Community is built through prayer and by listening to others pray.  Prayer is constant and conforms me into a deeper relationship with God. As an example, God has showed me, through journaled prayers, that I will experience closeness with him. A deep relationship with God overflows into all other areas of my life. 

four spiritual classifications

last night I was reading my journal from September 2009. One of the topics was "spiritual surgery." 

According to this topic, there are 4 spiritual classifications:

(1) The Natural Man (1 Corinthians 2:14)

           He/She doesn't:

                  -doesn't accept the things of God 

                  -thinks they are foolish

                  -has a darkened mind

                  -unsaved, lost, under a sentence of death

(2) The Saved Man who is:

               -born again

               -transformed

               -forgiven, pardoned

               -given a new heart

                -given a new destination

(3) The Spiritual Man (1 Corinthians 2:15-16)

               He/She is:

                       -really the spirit filled "man"

                       -has the mind of Christ, thinks, reasons, judges, evaluates-even prays like Jesus

                       -loves people of all kind, especially the lost

                       -has a fervent prayer life

                       -has an intense desire to grow in his faith

                       -loves to worship

                        -generous

                       -obeys God without hesitation

                       -eager to serve 

(4) The Carnal Man (1 Corinthians 3:1-3)

              He/She is:

                    -shallow

                    -caught between 2 worlds-love for Christ and love for the world

                   -has received Christ and lives a defeated life (adapted from Bruce Howell's sermon "Spiritual Surgery" October 2001, Accessed from sermoncentral.com) 

Out of this list, I am a carnal Christian. I live as if everything depends on me. Repentance is the first step out of carnality. God desires to sanctify me and longs for me to find freedom in Him. 

just let God in

I am afraid.

I fear letting God in to see all of me.

There are walls around my heart that I pretend don't exist. But denying something changes nothing. It doesn't solve the problem. If anything, it makes the problem worse. 

Ever since I was in high school, I feared intimacy with God. That's all. 

That's the story of my life. 

Growth will lead to intimacy. When I crave intimacy, I am wanting to grow. 

But I am logical and practical above spiritual. 

My spiritual life is always last. I don't give any thought to it. What's the point? 

As long as I'm not struggling with anything, then I'm doing alright. 

I need to get to the point where I just let God in. 

All for HIS glory-

words matter

Ephesians 4:29 is my life verse. Words have more power than I know. They can hurt or heal. They can build others up or tear them down.

With the same mouth I may swear or speak in a way that demeans another. Is that glorifying God? If I find myself questioning my words, something needs to change. 

Change or growth doesn't happen without God. I must repent of my offenses and ask Him for forgiveness. Then I must go to the person I offend and ask him or her for their forgiveness. 

I know the power words can have. I don't want words I speak to be the source of pain, flattery, etc. to another person. 

Words matter. 

I want the words I speak to bring healing and peace. 

when growth happens

Sometimes I am unaware that growth is taking place in me. I do my devotions but I ask, "am I growing deeper and closer to God?" 

It's not always easy to notice spiritual growth. But that doesn't mean growth doesn't take place. 

I know God has grown in my life when my old struggles creep back in and I handle them differently than I did before. I ask myself if my decisions are glorifying to God and if they're not, then I change and walk away from the temptation and back into the ways of God.

Journaling is one way I notice His work in me. I can go back and read my journal from last week, last month, even last year and I see His hand in me. 

I never give up because God is stronger. He will always grow in my life as long as I am receptive to His voice and keep away from things that distract me from Him. 

my one word

I recently stumbled across a book entitled "My One Word" by Mike Ashcraft and Rachel Olsen. The main theme of the book is to pick a word that you will focus on the whole year.


So I decided to give it a try. My one word for 2014 is grow.
This year I want to grow closer to God. But it goes deeper than that. How can I grow spiritually? Mentally? Relationally?


One of the reasons I chose grow as my word is because I want to move forward in my faith. That requires initiative and intentionality.


This is a work in progress. I will be journaling as God reveals areas that need growth.