year end reflections

today is December 31 2014.

another year has gone by.

I'm thankful for the growth I've seen this year and I look with anticipation how God will grow and shape me in 2015.

God bless,

be

this is how to BE

be acceptable with words (Psalm 19:14)
be not deceived (Galatians 6:7)
be angry, yet do not sin (Ephesians 4:26)
be not envious of evil men (Proverbs 24;1, Proverbs 2419, Psalm 37:1)
be at peace with all men (Romans 12:18)
be not greatly shaken (Psalm 62:2)
be confident through God (Proverbs 3:26)
be not hidden (Matthew 5:14)

(from www.knowbyknocking.com) 

struggles have lead me closer to God

It's been a while since I wrote anything on my blog.

It's time.

Reflecting back, I know my struggles, although painful and scarring, have led me closer to God. I have a new wonder for His grace and mercy.

I'm never too far gone to embrace Him.

the relevance of God

I was once at a place in life where I would do anything for my God. I would go anywhere to spread His fame. 

I moved on. 

To express that God has lost all relevance is a sad thought. 

But I must be honest with myself.

God can handle my honesty.

As long as I'm not doing anything "sinful" (as through the eyes of the church) than I'm doing alright. 

I have reached a point in my life where I'm questioning how relevant God is to me, to society, to the world. I'm sure in some parts of world, He (God) is alive, active, fresh, etc. 

Just not to me. 

Honesty may be a step to God becoming more relevant in me. 

Today I'm asking, "how relevant is God?"

hindrances

A hindrance is anything that blocks the way for me to do the work God has called me to. To knock down those obstacles, identification is key.

A couple years, my struggle with my sexuality was a hindrance. Now it has become an opportunity for me to share how God has worked in my life. 

Today, hurt has become a hindrance. I fear getting close to a Christian community will result in the same type of pain I experienced in the past.

I need to let that go. 

anchored in hope

I live all my life anchored in the hope of God.
that keeps me going.

a call to missions

For the last few years, I have had a desire to serve overseas. I have had several opportunities but they have fell through.

Recently I applied for a week long missions trip to Italy! The trip is sponsored through Adventures in Missions. (adventures.org) 

On this missions trip, I will be working with university students and also helping with a vacation bible school (VBS). It's time in my relationship with God to step out in faith and trust Him to provide. 

All for His glory-

Susie

benefits

I am currently reading Learn to Study the Bible (Andy Deane) and he lists 8 benefits of reading the Bible:

(1) It assures of salvation
                 I John 5:3

(2) It cleanses us from sin
                 John 15:3, 17:17 

(3) It gives peace 
                 John 16:33

(4) It brings joy 
                 John 15:11

(5) It guides our decisions 
                Psalm 119:105

(6) It helps us in prayer 
                 John 15:7

(7)  It strengthens 
                  I John 2:14 

(8) It leads to success 
                 Joshua 1:8 

-excerpted from p. 12 

on self denial

I must deny myself in order to fully follow after God. 

But what happens when my desires don't align with His? Do I ignore His voice and just go ahead and do what I want?

The answer is not a simple one.

Prayer and discernment is required. Patience is essential. 

Daily I must die to my wants, needs, and desires to glorify Him. 

Sometimes denying myself is hard. 

Glorifying God is a key to self denial. 

This life is not about me. 

It's all about Him who lives in me. And denying myself is a step in the direction of sanctification.  

replacing God

I am going to be transparent in this post. So if you feel uncomfortable, stop reading now.

Since May 2010, I have struggled with relationships, friends, sexual temptation. Four years later, I thought I was beyond the struggle.

I was wrong.

Why would I seek God and spiritual intimacy if I can have physical intimacy?

I have found a replacement for God through physical intimacy.

God needs to be in the right place in my life.

Right now He's not.

I'm replacing God with things of this life.

spiritual disciplines

The practice of spiritual disciplines is crucial in my spiritual life. As stated in The Celebration of Discipline, “The classical disciplines of the spiritual life call us to move beyond surface living into the depths.” Disciplines add a deeper substance to my life. As I maintain the practice of spiritual disciplines; this will overflow in all areas of my life. I will practice integrity in all I do.  One of the most critical disciplines I need to regularly implement into my life is prayer. “To pray is to change. Prayer is the central avenue God uses to transform us” (33). Prayer changes me from within and also will begin to change the world around me. “We are to change the world by prayer” (35). Real and heartfelt prayer changes the world. Prayer tunes me into the things of God and leads me into knowing what God desires for me to do.

            In my professional life, I am called to pursue the will of God with passion. Colossians 3:23 states, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.” The work or career becomes irrelevant as I become more in touch with the assurance that no matter what I do, I am to work at it with everything I am, as if I am working for God, not for people. The discipline of prayer gives me direction daily as I search to find out what God wants me to do with the life he’s given to me as an irreplaceable gift. Prayer lends itself as the cornerstone to all the other spiritual disciplines.

            Richard Foster describes different types of prayer: discursive prayer, mental prayer, and centering prayer. He also lists prayer of intercession as learning how to pray effectively for others. I must be in contact with God to pray effectively. “One of the most critical aspects in learning to pray for others is to get in contact with God so that his life and power can flow through us into others” (38).  When I maintain a deep prayer life, the life and power of God flows through me into others. Real prayer transforms the ways I have into the deep things of God. “In prayer, real prayer, we begin to think God’s thought’s after him to desire the things he desires, to love the things he loves, to will the things he wills” (33). Prayer is designed to adjust me to God, rather than to adjust God to me. Prayer also serves as my lifeline to God and seeking God in prayer is critical.

            Although prayer is considered an “inward discipline”, it produces outward results. How and what I pray impacts my life. What I pray for now matters. For the past several years, I have kept prayer journals and writing prayers down have forced me to slow down and really think about what I am saying. I am realizing that when I have a strong prayer life, all other areas of my life will be strong as well. As a child of God, I am called to pray. Also, when I pray, I am changed because God’s power works in me. A prayer offered up in faith, God hears, heals, and forgives.

            Prayer can be related to my professional life because I can intercede on others’ behalf. I am ministry minded and prayer itself is a ministry. Intercessory prayer builds bridges between people I have contact with daily. Community is built through prayer and by listening to others pray.  Prayer is constant and conforms me into a deeper relationship with God. As an example, God has showed me, through journaled prayers, that I will experience closeness with him. A deep relationship with God overflows into all other areas of my life. 

four spiritual classifications

last night I was reading my journal from September 2009. One of the topics was "spiritual surgery." 

According to this topic, there are 4 spiritual classifications:

(1) The Natural Man (1 Corinthians 2:14)

           He/She doesn't:

                  -doesn't accept the things of God 

                  -thinks they are foolish

                  -has a darkened mind

                  -unsaved, lost, under a sentence of death

(2) The Saved Man who is:

               -born again

               -transformed

               -forgiven, pardoned

               -given a new heart

                -given a new destination

(3) The Spiritual Man (1 Corinthians 2:15-16)

               He/She is:

                       -really the spirit filled "man"

                       -has the mind of Christ, thinks, reasons, judges, evaluates-even prays like Jesus

                       -loves people of all kind, especially the lost

                       -has a fervent prayer life

                       -has an intense desire to grow in his faith

                       -loves to worship

                        -generous

                       -obeys God without hesitation

                       -eager to serve 

(4) The Carnal Man (1 Corinthians 3:1-3)

              He/She is:

                    -shallow

                    -caught between 2 worlds-love for Christ and love for the world

                   -has received Christ and lives a defeated life (adapted from Bruce Howell's sermon "Spiritual Surgery" October 2001, Accessed from sermoncentral.com) 

Out of this list, I am a carnal Christian. I live as if everything depends on me. Repentance is the first step out of carnality. God desires to sanctify me and longs for me to find freedom in Him. 

just let God in

I am afraid.

I fear letting God in to see all of me.

There are walls around my heart that I pretend don't exist. But denying something changes nothing. It doesn't solve the problem. If anything, it makes the problem worse. 

Ever since I was in high school, I feared intimacy with God. That's all. 

That's the story of my life. 

Growth will lead to intimacy. When I crave intimacy, I am wanting to grow. 

But I am logical and practical above spiritual. 

My spiritual life is always last. I don't give any thought to it. What's the point? 

As long as I'm not struggling with anything, then I'm doing alright. 

I need to get to the point where I just let God in. 

All for HIS glory-

words matter

Ephesians 4:29 is my life verse. Words have more power than I know. They can hurt or heal. They can build others up or tear them down.

With the same mouth I may swear or speak in a way that demeans another. Is that glorifying God? If I find myself questioning my words, something needs to change. 

Change or growth doesn't happen without God. I must repent of my offenses and ask Him for forgiveness. Then I must go to the person I offend and ask him or her for their forgiveness. 

I know the power words can have. I don't want words I speak to be the source of pain, flattery, etc. to another person. 

Words matter. 

I want the words I speak to bring healing and peace. 

when growth happens

Sometimes I am unaware that growth is taking place in me. I do my devotions but I ask, "am I growing deeper and closer to God?" 

It's not always easy to notice spiritual growth. But that doesn't mean growth doesn't take place. 

I know God has grown in my life when my old struggles creep back in and I handle them differently than I did before. I ask myself if my decisions are glorifying to God and if they're not, then I change and walk away from the temptation and back into the ways of God.

Journaling is one way I notice His work in me. I can go back and read my journal from last week, last month, even last year and I see His hand in me. 

I never give up because God is stronger. He will always grow in my life as long as I am receptive to His voice and keep away from things that distract me from Him. 

my one word

I recently stumbled across a book entitled "My One Word" by Mike Ashcraft and Rachel Olsen. The main theme of the book is to pick a word that you will focus on the whole year.


So I decided to give it a try. My one word for 2014 is grow.
This year I want to grow closer to God. But it goes deeper than that. How can I grow spiritually? Mentally? Relationally?


One of the reasons I chose grow as my word is because I want to move forward in my faith. That requires initiative and intentionality.


This is a work in progress. I will be journaling as God reveals areas that need growth.

the importance of trust

I learned many lessons while a student at Indiana Wesleyan University (IWU). I learned the value of friendships, hard work (academic). A couple of my courses were difficult but I made it through.

Above all, I learned the importance of trust in the context of friendships. I learned that opening up to my peers when I should remain quiet is not without it’s consequences.  The summer between my Junior year I began to make some decisions that would be damaging to me and those around me.  I lived on campus so I felt I could be open about my struggles and what I said would remain between my friends and I.

I was wrong. I had a parent/child relationship with my roommate. She always said “You’re not ready for a relationship” and constantly criticizing me for my decisions. I took responsibility for my decisions and by no means placing the blame on her. But I was in a bad place and the last thing I needed was someone coming across as critical and judgmental. After all as Christians, aren’t we supposed to be loving and accepting despite another’s decisions?

Things only escalated in my senior (and last) semester as a student. Near the end of the fall 2012 semester, I was caught by surprise with an email from Student Development. I then knew what had happened. My roommate told my resident assistant (RA) about me and my situation when I trusted her not to say anything. When I confronted her, she said, “I told once. Why wouldn’t I tell again?” She had violated my trust.

I was left hurt and unable to trust her with private details of my life. I built trust with her and it only took a second for her to destroy it.

Through that experience, I learned the importance of trust in relationships. Just because I felt I could trust her, she proved me wrong. Now I’m cautious about what I share with those around me. I tell people what I feel they want to know: to make me sound like I’m strong. 

humility

Colossians 2:18 states:

         Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you for the prize.

 

False humility can be defined as "humility in which one delights is of necessary mock humility."

Paul could be referring to a professed humility view of God which is an absolution that God is far above us humans he can only be worshiped through angels.

Humility causes forward movement with God. Pride destroys it.

 

prevailing prayer

To pray is to seek the heart of God. The words I speak as I pray reveal the state of my heart. And when God hears and answers my prayers, it is because He is merciful and awesome. There is nothing I do that causes him to listen to anything I call out in prayer. When I think about every time I speak to God, I will be humbled by the greatness of Him. He is holy, majestic, and sovereign; and He deserves all of me.

As I meditate on this truth, I will examine where my heart and mind is when I come before God. My words won't be so empty and meaningless. They will have a purpose behind them. When I pray according to His will, He hears my cries and will answer them.

 

prayer is the simplest way I communicate with God. I speak with passion and quietness in my heart. 

"take me deeper than my feet could ever wander"

"and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my savior" (Hillsong United lyrics, Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)

We sang this at IWU Spring Summit 2014. I almost lost it. I was on the verge of tears. That wouldn't have been the first time I cried at a Summit service. I hold myself together but sometimes I just stop everything and become overwhelmed with God: His goodness, faithfulness, beauty.

Everything He is.

Everything I'm not.

I long to get to a place where I break before God and let down all the walls. I'm not there. I'm holding myself together with my strength. I won't let myself fall apart.

information vs. revelation

Information is defined as "knowledge derived from study, experience, or instruction." In contrast, revelation is defined as "the act or process of disclosing something previously secret or obscure, especially something true."

 

God convicted the core of me last night. He brought to my attention that I have all this knowledge about him, but do I actually KNOW him? I need to stop. pause.

 

I need to examine where my heart is in relation to him. Do I spend time with God to avoid "trouble" or am I serious about pursuing and knowing God deeply?

 

I want to go beyond legalism: reading, studying my Bible because I feel I have to but because I want to know God. The cry of my life is to intimately know God, not know about Him. There is a huge difference.

renew.reshape.refresh.restore

My prayer for this year is that God would renew my desire for growth in Him, reshape my desires to be fully pleasing to Him, refresh my life so I have the strength to pursue Him above everything and restore me to a life pleasing to him and I would be a testimony that I belong to God to those around me.

God is present

"...for God is present in the company of the righteous." -Psalm 14: 5

As I begin a new year, I have hope that God will do amazing things in me and those around me. As I look at this verse, I am reminded God is present in those who are righteous.

 

This chapter begins with an description of mankind: no one does good. no one seeks God. However, I find this verse interesting because although there is no one that does good on their own, God equips me to be righteous, to live a righteous life. He is present.

 

He is in this year. I am thankful that He gives me the strength I need to be righteous.