a missional heart

God placed a desire for missions work last summer.  I hesitated and questioned God, "Why me? You can send someone else." But the more I went before God in prayer, the more missions dictated my thoughts. I had a burden for Ireland on my heart then and now it's starting to resurface.

 

Since January I have been working and doing what I think is "practical" in my eyes. Now I'm beginning to think, "there has to be more to life than this: working part time."

 

I'm also beginning to become convicted. No matter how hard or uncomfortable it may be, I must live the life God has for me. I only have one chance to live completely surrendered to Him. I won't get another try.

 

This is it.

 

So now I am looking into possible missions trips/opportunities. One really sticks out to me above the others I have looked into. There is an organization, Youth with a Mission (YWAM) that offers Discipleship Training Schools (DTS) all over the world. I'm prayerfully considering applying to the DTS in Denver, CO and Newcastle, Australia. I think it would be amazing to go to Australia! :-)

 

I have a missional heart, for God is missional. (Matthew 28:18-20). I don't know what will happen regarding YWAM or DTS but I remain open to the possibility. We'll see what happens in the next few months!

desperate

There are foundational things I can't live without: water, air, shelter. I also can't live without the Holy Spirit. I need to become desperate for God, but what exactly does that mean? I also think how many of us are actually desperate for God and His Spirit?

 

I was convicted last night because I am living in a way that everything is in my control. I want to control everything.

 

I'm a control freak; because if I don't control my life, who will?

 

Sure I'm a Christian but an "in name only" Christian. I live as though God doesn't exist. I don't sin intentionally but my heart and mind are far from Him.

In the core of my soul, I know God desires far more from me.

 

I need to become desperate for His Spirit. (Acts 1:8 and 2) For the Spirit in me initiates all growth and leads me into communion with God.

 

 

forgiveness

God forgave me. So in turn I must forgive others. I believe forgiveness is the way of love.

Over the course of my life, people have hurt and caused me pain. But after a period of time, I let go of the anger, and choose to forgive.

Because if I don't, bitterness will grow and then I will become hostile. So I choose a better way.

But when I forgive others who I have wronged me, does it remove the hurt?

I have no easy answers to that question. I know God is stronger than any pain, hurt, etc. that I may face in this life.

Forgiveness is a part of the healing process.

why God allows us to feel pain

I've had my share of pain. In the midst of struggles and/or pain, I ask the question, "Where are you God?" It's hard to see Him in the middle of storms. But still I know He is there.

 

In those times, He reminds me of these verses:

 

"The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)

 

When I confess my brokenness and weakness to God I know He is there. Not only is God close to the brokenhearted, He heals and covers wounds. (see Psalm 147:3)

 

Wounds can be caused by physical, emotional, or even spiritual pain. I've wrestled with the question, "Why does God use pain to draw me closer to Him?"

 

I think God uses pain to draw me closer to Him because if I never felt pain, I wouldn't feel compassion either. The pain in my life causes me to cling to the Creator of everyone and everything. He longs to comfort me. I just have to come, broken.