The Here and Now

I desire to live in the moment.
Not loooking back. Not looking forward to the future either.

I want to embrace the here and now. Life changes so quickly. And I want to take it all in by living fully in the present.

What is God doing in me now? I have no simple answer.

All I can say is that I've spent the last few years living on a spiritual mountain top and now I'm in the valley. And that's hard.

God revealed to me last night that I need to lay it all on the line for Him. I can't pretend to be somewhere I'm just not. I fooled everyone the last couple years. I masked where I was in my faith. While I was at school, I acted as though I was doing "just fine" when I was really broken.

I'm not at school currently and I'm realizing I never want to attempt to impress others with how "religious" I am. That won't save them. Love and grace will.

For His renown
always <3

~Susie

In the Valley

As I reflect on my experience at Indiana Wesleyan University, I recognize I have lived on the mountain top.

Continually I had spirtual moments that have come in the form of class lectures, Summit, chapel, conversations with friends, etc.

I greatly appreciate those experiences because they challenged me to be strong in my faith. And during that time, I wasn't struggling with anything.

I want that back: where I'm rock solid in my faith, a place where I can't be moved from where God has placed me right in the moment. But I know I can't live on the mountain top. I went most of my college career where everything was amazing in my walk with God. I was always growing and living close to His heart.

Now I'm in the valley. I'm tired of pretending I'm still on the mountain where I'm strong in my faith. I'm not.

The mask is off. I can't lie to myself.

I need to just stop and let God rebuild my life. I desperately need Him and His spirit to heal and restore me.

Each day is a step in the direction of healing.

For HIS renown,
~Susie

Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am thankful for all things in my life:
~family
~friends
~God who never changes
~faith.
~etc.

Also, I want to give thanks every day of the year, not just on a holiday. Each day is a new reason to be thankful.

I am thankful that I can always come before God in every season of my life.

Blessings flow when I come simply thanking God for His mercy, grace, love, persistance, etc.

I am taking a step back toward Him after so long on my own. He's waiting.

Once again, that causes me to be thankful.

What are you thankful for?

I encourage you take a moment and give thanks for the little things in life.

For HIS renown,

~Susie

Sleepwalking in Apathy

I want to take you back.

Back to the start.

At the beginning of my freshman year of college, I was apathetic in my relationship with God. I didn't care about anything spiritual.

That's honest and real. I went to "Summit" but only because I felt obligated to attend.

God changed my life during that week (in 2008). He replaced my closed and unresponsive heart with His.

I have realized God is continually replacing my unresponsive heart with His heart. Every day that I'm not growing in God, I need to stop and ask Him to examine my heart and transform it so that He can move and grow and have His way.

Anything else, anything less is self centered and that needs to die.

I never want to be sleepwalking in apathy.
 
I don't want my generation too either.

Let us be awake to everything that God is about.

For HIS renown,

~Susie

The Way Back to God's Heart

I'm on a journey that never ends.
Each second, each moment, every day, each week will lead me closer to His heart if I let Him, if I choose His way.

And when I don't?
When I choose to go my own way?
That only leads to disaster. Sometimes I fail to see the disaster that is sure to follow poor decision making or anything that acts as a hindrance.

I can say today I'm out of sexual temptation and sin. That old life has been nailed to the cross. God has taken that desire from me.

Thank you, God, for taking that desire from me.

When I do struggle with anything that distracts me from God, I need to submit to His authority and get into His presence.

I know I'm on the way back to the heart of God.

For HIS renown,

~Susie

God Works for The Good

Romans 8:28 states, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose."

I recognize not everything that happens is good. Bad things sometimes happen to good people. That doesn't stop me.

I just keep on keepin' on. For I know in ALL things God works for the good of His people.

Everything that happens in life is meant to teach me something more about God. At the same time, I need to take responsibility of what I can control

I got caught up in sin and I let it control me and my life. I ran from it: thinking it wouldn't catch up to me. I've learned I can't run from sin because it will just keep coming back.

I desire to let go of sin that so easily entangles and run after God.

Why would I choose anything else?


For HIS renown,

~Susie

Robots

Prior to attending college at IWU, I worked in retail: Hobby Lobby and Bass (shoe & clothing store). When I worked in that type of environment, I had to have a tough skin: I couldn't let anyone or anything get to me personally.

Looking back, I felt like a robot: I couldn't feel anything. Or I wasn't allowed to feel anything. I had to "blow everything off." I recognize now that wasn't healthy: to block everyone and everything out.

As a creature of God, I am not created or wired to be a robot, the inability to feel anything. I want to feel something, even if it's pain. Because honestly, that's all I feel.

A deep soul wrenching pain that I know only God can heal. So I let him in.

I say to Him, "Father, heal me from this pain that is so crippling to me."

I know He hears me as I cry out to Him.

I'm not created to be a robot.

None of us are.

I encourage you to embrace whatever you're feeling, whether it's positive or negative emotions. God is glorified in us when we are real and when we come before him vulnerable.

For HIS renown,

~Susie