A Vain Attempt

For the last few weeks, I have been growing spiritually very quickly. It seemed I couldn't get enough of God. I was doing my devotions daily.

It was great! I felt all these intense emotions (excitement, fear, reluctance, etc.).

Then it all came to a crashing halt.

Earlier this week, I had an appointment with One Mission Society (a missions organization) for a possible service trip to Ireland.

The appointment was canceled and I was discouraged, frustrated, and disappointed.

I then felt everything I was learning was a vain attempt to reach God, which I can never do.

I sought to please Him with how I "religious" I could be.

That's wrong.

That's sin.

God showed in a painful way exactly what I don't want:

~mediocre

~complacent

~superficial

~comfortable Christianity

I want real Christianity. I want Jesus, not anything else.

I then asked a question, "can I leave my emotions out of spiritual growth?"

Emotions change quickly, I can't depend on them to fuel my growth in God.

I know God sees past all my emotional highs as it relates to faith and growth in Him.

I'm guilty of being how I always complain about when Summit week approaches. I always say, "I want more than a spiritual/emotional high. I want God to wholly transform my life."

I just spent two (2) weeks (or longer) on a spiritual high.

I know now when all the emotions are gone, all is left is a vain attempt to grow stronger in faith.

Is it Enough?

I grew up in a Christian home and I went to church on holidays (Easter and Christmas). I I went to vacation Bible school once.

That was enough.

Then in middle school (7th grade) I became a Christian and as a result I began to attend my older sister's church where I got involved in their youth group and small group girl's Bible study ("Impact").

That was enough.

During my high school years I attended numerous weekend retreats (conferences as their called now) at various Bible camps (Spring Hill!, Lake Waubesa Bible Camp, Lake Geneva Conference Center and Camp, Phantom Ranch Camp) and the summer between my junior and senior years, I was fortunate enough to be able to attend the Evangelical Free Church of America (EFCA) "National Youth Conference" at Georgia Tech in Atlanta, GA. After that week, I was on a "spiritual high."

Once again, that was enough.

After high school, I went from church to church, and I finally found one that I stuck with for longer than a month (LOL). At Calvary Church, I was a youth leader to high school students. Serving others seemed like a good way to demonstrate my level of faith.

This was enough.

Then in 2008, I began attending Indiana Wesleyan University (IWU) because I wanted a quality Christian education. I visited campus twice and loved the friendly staff and faculty and appreciated the spiritual atmosphere. That's the reason I came here amidst the myriad of college options.

Above all, they put Christ center with chapel three times a week and "spiritual emphasis week" (Summit) at the beginning of each semester.

One of my favorite things about IWU is Summit. I love the community of it and gathering in corporate worship with my brothers and sisters in Christ. The "spiritual and emotional high" Summit brought me excitement and I was able to push through and continue growing closer to the Lord.

All this was enough.

And now, after four years of being an IWU student, of attending chapel, Summit's, and sometimes "The Rising", it is no longer enough.

God has changed me continually since I became a student. I can no longer settle with "comfortable" Christianity. No longer is it enough for me to say, "I'm a Christian. I believe in Jesus." yet watch as the world suffers.

I want to go where no one else wants to go.

All the rituals aren't enough.

I pray that in my life I would be the hands and feet of Jesus.

Always <3

All for HIS glory

~Susie

The Vision I Have for the Church

I write this with thankfulness that God has placed in my heart a vision for His people, the church. This is relatively new and fresh so I'm not entirely sure what the vision will look like when it comes into full development.

I do know that revivals start with a vision and that is what I want to see: a revival first in my own personal life, then my friends' lives, my educational institution (IWU), the local church, and then finally reaching the global church.

Writing this vision helps me sort out all my thoughts and organize them.

The vision I have for the church starts with a deep passion for Him, a passionate love and compassion that can't help but set the world on fire.

Next the vision moves toward discipleship: equipping, motivating, training, and encouraging others to gain knowledge as to what it means for members of the local church to realize who they are called to become in God. We are all unique and have something different to offer each other.

There are many issues in the world that need to be addressed. I'm motivated to help those around me because I want to see lives improved not simply because I'm a Christian so I have to be right. I believe (and hope) I have stepped out of that mentality.

Please understand I write this with humility in my heart and mind. God has placed in me a depth for His people and that is what is fueling this vision.

I invite you to pray with me that lives will be turned onto God.

All for His glory + Always <3

~Susie