An Open Heart

This is a random post. I'm bored and I don't have much to do :(

I am doing what is called "free writing". What does it mean to possess an open heart toward God, to truly and intimately know Him not just know OF Him?

I no longer work at that job, Vector Marketing, so I have more time on my hands. I could spend that time journaling and cultivating a deep relationship with God because I long for intimacy.

Instead, it seems that I do anything but spend time with God, the One who freed my soul. I ask myself "why is it that when I'm at school, I want to do my devotions but have no time but when I'm home and have absolutely nothing to do, I don't spend time in devotions?"

I reflect on where I was 3 years ago: I was apathetic in my relationship with God and had a closed heart towards Him.

Now I have an open heart to Him, but there is something inside me that lacks motivation to cultivate a deeper level of intimacy with Him.

I have time to sort this out and to gain back motivation to study His word and gain strength in faith.

All for His glory

Relationship Rather than Ability

So last time I wrote on communion verses competence. Simply put, competence focuses on ability whereas communion focuses on relationship rather than ability.

I needed this gentle but powerful reminder from God because sometimes I get caught up in everything I am able to do in reference to my relationship with God.

I am able to say the right things at the right time. God isn't interested in what I am able to do for Him, He just wants me to pursue a deep and intimate relationship with Him.

This also reminds me of the grace and salvation God provides in my life. When I first came to faith, it wasn't based on ability: what I was able to do for Him. He just wanted me. And I came, broken.

Everyday I want the plea of my heart to long to commune with God and not be competent for Him.

It is such a simple concept, but it has changed my perspective on my relationship with God.

All for His glory,

Always <3

Communion verses Competence

Late last night I was journaling (something all too common in my life), and I had a spiritual breakthrough.

Kind of.

I was asking "Why can't I understand God? Why don't I understand the ways He works in my life?"

Then it hit me: I will never understand God because if I understood Him, that would put me equal with Him, and then I would lose my need for Him in my life.

I was also reminded of the sovereignty of God: He is above all. I then journaled a prayer that said "God, help me get over myself and the need to understand You."

Talk about a crash course in humility.

Randomly I thought about Summit in the fall of 2009; and how the speaker talked about communion with God

verses

competence for God.

Communion focuses on everything God is: gracious, merciful, loving, etc., while competence is dependent on me: what I do to earn "spiritual status".

This is something I needed to think about because so many times I simply don't commune with God, I am way too dependent on my abilities to move forward in faith.

All for His glory,

Always <3

Unhindered

I honestly don't know how to start this post. So much has happened in my life with God, that there is only word to describe how I want my spiritual life to be: unhindered.

I honestly don't know what it means to be unhindered.

I am far from reaching this in my spiritual life.

There is so much God wants to do in me the remainder of the summer before I head back to IWU that I appear to be shutting God out.

I want to see God move in my life in life changing but I hinder his work by not taking the time to spend with Him.

Off and on this summer, God has revealed pieces of what He wants to do; what He plans to do, but I have a mindset that says, "I can't do this" and that is the end.

I shut my journal, and in essence, shut God out.

It comes down to fear.

I fear what would come in my life if I just let God work, if I was unhindered.

All for His glory--